The Producers
by Bohemian Otaku
Summary: Matthias Kohler is about to go to jail for unpaid loans but when unexpecting accotant Tino Väinämöinen comes along accidently scheming up a plan to save Matthias. These two will overcome beutiful Swedes, Nazis, and crossdressers SuFin suggested DenNor
1. King of Broadway

The Producers

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA OR THE PRODUCERS PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT SUE ME...or worse

Matthias Kohler is about to go to jail for unpaid loans but when unexpecting accotant Tino Väinämöinen comes along accidently scheming up a plan to save Matthias. These two will overcome beutiful Swedes, Nazis, and crossdressers but will end with The Producers.(musical)

Intro:

"Its opening night its opening night ITSS OPPPPPPPEEEEEEENIIIIIIINGGGGG NIGHTT" sang the Italians. Matthias Kohler newly produced Broadway show Funny Boy just came out. He sat anxiously outside as the guest came out all laughing about how terrible it was. He quickly slipped into one of the allys of New York City. Hours past when he was sure everyone but the bums were gone he belted drunkenly and sadly...

"I used to be the king, the king of old Broadway  
>The best of ev'rything was mine to have each day<p>

Suddenly his song of pity sped into anger  
>"I always had the biggest hits<br>The biggest bathrooms at the Ritz  
>My showgirls had the biggest tits!<br>I never was the pits in any way!"

The bums and homeless took notice and took part in his song of pity.

"We believe you, thousands wouldn't  
>We believe you, ev'ry word<br>We believe you, thousands couldn't  
>We believe each word we've heard"<p>

"I used to be the king..." "THE KING" "the king of old Broadway" "ITS GOOD TO BE THE KING"

"My praises they would sing  
>A Ziegfeld so they'd say<br>My shows were always filled with class  
>The best champagnes would fill my glass<br>My lap was filled with gorgeousness  
>You couldn't call me crass in any way!"<p>

"We believe you, thousands wouldn't  
>We believe you, ev'ry word<br>We believe you, thousands couldn't  
>We believe each word we've heard"<p>

"There was a time  
>When I was young and gay...<br>But straight  
>There was a time<br>When I was bold  
>There was a time<br>When each and ev'ry play I touched  
>Would turn to gold"<p>

"There was a time  
>He wore the finest clothes<br>His shoes were always new"

"Now I wear a rented tux  
>That's two weeks overdue!"<p>

"Poor Kohler, what a shmoozer  
>Poor Kohler, what a shame<br>Poor Kohler, what a loser  
>Poor Kohler, goodbye fame"<p>

Matthias frowned being insulted by the bums was enough he limped drunkly home. Crashing on his couch a newspaper perched on his face.

This is just to set things up. It will get better another thing this is my first fic be nice (:


	2. We can do it!

The next day

Tino Vaimoinen sighed he was here to do the Famous Matthias Kohler's books. Poor man he felt for the blue hankercheif in his pocket letting out his breath. Tino knocked on the door "" he sighed. Matthias opened the door reeking of alochohal his eyes were puffy red and his face was unshaven. "What do you want" "h-hello m-my n-name is T-t-tino Vaimoinen I am an a-accountant and I am here to d-do up your books". "An acccountant come in" Tino walked in. "You can work at the table" Tino sat down Matthias walked to the window he put some water on it as if he was trying to clean it. He suddenly smirked he opened the window and yelled at a tall blonde women getting out of a limo. "THATS RIGHT BABY WHEN YOU GOT IT FLAUNT IT FLAUNT IT". There was a knock on the door "WHO IS IT" "its kiss me touch me". Matthias eyes widen in slight fright he pushed Tino in the bathroom "uh Tima do me a favor and use the bathroom" "i-its Tino and I don't have to go". "Spread your legs and think of waterfalls FOR THE LOVE OF GOD THINK OF NIAGRA FALLS". Matthias tried to prick up his blonde hair more as he looked threw his desk riffling threw various pictures of his 'benifactors' looking for 'kiss me, touch me". He finally pulled the right picture perching it on the coffee table. "HOLD ON MY DARLING" he slid to the door opening the door "Matty its so nice to see you" "yes same with you love now weres the checky" "lets play a game first" '"yes we should now were is the check" "about the check why did you tell me to make it out to 'money' strange name for a play". Matthias was trying not to glare at the eighty-somewhat women. "I know it just is now my darling what do you want to play" "mmmmmmmmmm let me think" Matthias eyes twitched. "How about the well hung stable boy and the virgin milk maid" CRAPPPPPPP. "Um I don't know if I have the strength" "don't worry I'll be gentle". Matthias held back a groan all of his benifiacters were sex-deprived old ladies sooooo Matthias was shameless right now. The old broad put her cane over her shoulders "Ohhhh myyy these milk pales are so heavy if only someonee coulddd help me" "my darling first I'll take your milk pales then I'll take your" he added a dramatic pause "VIRGINITY". He pinned the broad on the couch. Tino opened the bathroom "Jeeze you were right I just thought of Niagra falls and" Tino stopped "Oh my, I am so sorry". Matthias looked at 'kiss me, touch me" "we have to save this for later Darling" "are you sure" "you have no idea how sure I am". "Oh okay" Matthias practically shoved the women out the door. Tino's mouth was agaped "I am so sorry I walked in on feeling up the old lady". "That was one of my benifiactors" "oh" "do what you have to do Tino". "Okay" he sat down pulling a blue blanket from his pocket "what is that" Matthias reached for the blanket "DON'T TOUCH THAT". "FINE" "you know your case is saddening to me I always had a secret dream to be a Broadway Producer" Matthias sat done slightly amused by the blanket toating man"thats intresting..." Tino whispered "what?" "just a little theory its possible to make more money off a flop than a hit". "Really now" something clicked with Matthias. "What" "don't you see Vaimoinen Darling Vaimoinen glorious Vaimoinen its so simple Step one, we find the worst play ever written step two We hire the worst director in town step three I raise TWO million dollars" "two?" "YES one for me one for you there is alot of little old ladies out there Step four we hire the worst acters in New York and open up on Broadway. AND BEFORE YOU CAN SAY STEP FIVE we close on Broadway take our 2 million and go to Rio". "Rio Nah that would never work" "Oh ye of little faith" Suddenly Matthias broke into song. "What did Lewis say to Clark when things were looking bleak, What did Sir Edmund say to Tenzing as they struggled to Everest's Peak, What did Washington say to his troops as they crossed the Delaware I am sure your WELLLLL AWARE" "what did they say". "We can do it, we can do it, we can do it ME and YOU we can do it! We can do it! We can make our dreams come true! Every thing you ever wanted, Is just waiting to be had, Beautiful Girls wearing nothing but pearls caressing you undressing you and driving you MAD" Matthias was not refering to is very loved and missed Norwegian show girl. "We cann do it! We can do it! THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO SHRINK, We can do it! you won't rue it, Say goodbye to Petty Clerk. Hi Producer, YES PRODUCER. I mean you sir go beserkkk. WE CAN DO IT WE CAN DO IT, AND I KNOW, ITS, GON-NA WORK! WHAT DO YOU SAY VAIAMOINEN". Matthias hands that were on the mans shoulders slammed on the table almost positive that he convinced the man. "What do I sayyyy finally a chance to become a Broadway Producerrrrrr what do I sayyyyyyy finally a chance to make my dreamsss become true sirrrrr. What do I say? What do I say heres what do I say to you sirrrrrrrr" Tino bit his lip. "I can't do it I can't do it I can't do it thats not meeeeeee I am a loser I'm a coward I'm a chicken don't you seeeeeeeee when it comes to wooing women theres a few things that I lack beutiful girls were nothing but pearls chasing me embracing me I have an attack". Matthias turned red "WHY YOU MISERABLE, COWARDLY, WRETCHED LITTLE CATTIPILLAR" Tino ran out the door Matthias close behind him "DON'T YOU EVER WANT TO BECOME A BUTTERFLY SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLAP TO GLORY". Tino stopped a cab Matthias unwantly hopped in after him they both sang at the EXACT same time "We can do it We can do it" "Mr. Kohler please stop this song you got me wrong" "WE CAN GRAB THAT HOLY GRAILLLL" "I'll say 'so long' I'm not as strong a person you think" "WE CAN DO IT! WE CAN DO IT!" " just take a look i'm not a crook I'm just a shnook" "DRINK CHAMPANGE NOT GINGER ALE" "the bottom line is I STINK". "C'MON TINO " "I CANNNNNTTTTT DOOOOOO ITTT' "CAN'T YOU SEE-O" "YOU SEE RIO I SEE JAILLLLL" "WE CAN DO ITT" "I CAN'T DO IT" "WE CAN DO IT" "I CANNOT CANNOT CANNOT DO IT CAUSE I, KNOW, ITS, GON-NA FAIL" "IT CANNOT FAIL" "IT'S GONNA FAIL". Tino's cab driver turned a corner and Tino manage to push Matthias out. The cab quickly drove to Bank Tino's work. Matthiass walked up to the foutain he got pushed out by he got on his knees he prayed "Dear Lord... I WANT THAT MONEYYYYYYYY!".


End file.
